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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29758680">I could be the sun that lights your dark</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostinthelibrary/pseuds/ghostinthelibrary'>ghostinthelibrary</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Curses, Fairy Tale Elements, Idiots in Love, M/M, Minor Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Mute Jaskier | Dandelion, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, True Love's Kiss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:35:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29758680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostinthelibrary/pseuds/ghostinthelibrary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Jask!” Eskel falls to his knees next to Jaskier, hands hovering over the bard.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Jaskier looks up at him, tears streaming from those too-blue eyes and smoke still curling from his lips. He coughs, then opens his mouth to speak.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>“HEEEEE-hawwwwww!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After Jaskier is cursed by a vengeful mage to bray like a donkey whenever he tries to speak or sing, the only cure is true love’s kiss. Certain that Jaskier’s true love is Geralt, Eskel races across the Continent to track down his errant brother. But will they find Geralt in time? And more importantly, is <em>Geralt</em> the person really Jaskier needs to kiss?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eskel/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia &amp; Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Witcher Quick Fic #07</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I could be the sun that lights your dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my entry for this week's Witcher Quick Fic challenge.</p><p>Title is taken from "Too Late for Love" by John Lundvik.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As far as battles go, it’s an anticlimactic one.</p><p>Despite a monologue about his evil plan that would put some of Oxenfurt’s best actors to shame, the mage dies with a single strike of Eskel’s sword. His head thunks to the ground and rolls away.</p><p>Jaskier sighs. “Well, that was disappointing. You couldn’t have let him put up more of a fight? That’s going to make for a terrible song.”</p><p>Eskel turns to him with a raised eyebrow. “I told you to wait with Scorpion.”</p><p>“Dear heart, in all the time you’ve known me, have I ever waited with Scorpion?”</p><p>Eskel shakes his head. “This fucker doesn’t deserve a song about him.”</p><p>Jaskier can’t argue with that. When they answered a contract about a slew of disappearing girls— at least one a month for the past three years— they expected to find that a werewolf or a vampire was responsible. What they found was a mage, a Brotherhood reject killing girls and using their corpses for some kind of heinous experimentation. Jaskier still isn’t sure what exactly the bastard was trying to accomplish; his monologue became a wee bit convoluted at the end and Jaskier stopped listening.</p><p>“But you, my dear friend, deserve all the songs,” he says, hoping his traitorous heartbeat doesn’t give away just how dear Eskel is to him. “For slaying the beast preying on the maidens of Velen—”</p><p>Eskel holds up a hand to silence him, suddenly tense.</p><p>“What is it?” Jaskier whispers, looking around.</p><p>“Stay here.” Eskel starts towards the back of the cottage.</p><p>Jaskier follows. He’s been traveling with witchers for seventeen years now. And while this may not be the witcher he traveled with for sixteen of those years, he trusts Eskel to keep him safe. Eskel sighs when he notices Jaskier trailing after him, but Jaskier doesn’t miss the fond way the witcher’s lips curl up. He hangs back as Eskel throws open the door of a closet, revealing a fair-haired young woman weeping inside.</p><p>“Oh, thank the gods,” Jaskier murmurs. When he saw the graves behind the cottage, he didn’t expect them to find any survivors.</p><p>The girl looks up at Eskel and lets out a terrified cry.</p><p>Eskel takes a hurried step backwards, turning his face away. “Jaskier, can you…”</p><p>Jaskier approaches the woman and kneels down in front of her, smiling kindly. “It’s alright, you’re safe,” he says quietly. “Are you Gretta?”</p><p>Gretta was the most recent of the victims, missing for over a week now.</p><p>The woman shakes her head, tears pouring down her face. “Gretta’s dead. They’re all dead.”</p><p>“What’s your name?”</p><p>“Anya.”</p><p>The name rings a bell. One of the mage’s first victims, if Jaskier recalls correctly, who disappeared three years ago now. That she’s still alive is nothing short of a miracle.</p><p>“You’re safe now, Anya.” He reaches a hand out to her. “We’re going to get you home.”</p><p>***</p><p>Jaskier first met Eskel two months after the unpleasantness in Rinde, in a tavern south of Tretogor. He was still smarting from the whole ordeal— from Geralt’s insults about his singing, his near brush with death, and watching the man he loved fuck someone else. He wasn’t exactly looking for another witcher to travel with; when he’d left Rinde without Geralt, he’d told himself that he needed a bit of a break.</p><p>And then a witcher walked in, wearing spiked red armor with a Wolf School medallion around his neck. Jaskier didn’t miss a beat as he switched from the bawdy tune he had been singing to a rendition of “Toss a Coin.” As heads swiveled in the witcher’s direction, the man tensed, clearly expecting the shouts and threats that normally followed his kind. Instead, he was greeted with cheers and raised mugs of ale. The witcher’s eyes darted to Jaskier, expression somewhere between suspicious and curious.</p><p>For his part, Jaskier couldn’t look away, because ye gods, that was a mountain of a man. And Jaskier was in the mood for a climb.</p><p>As soon as finished with “Toss a Coin,” he drained his ale and started across the tavern, putting an extra swing in his hips. The witcher watched him approach with a small curl of his lips.</p><p>“You’re Geralt’s bard,” he said by way of greeting.</p><p>Jaskier hoped his inner wince wasn’t visible. “Jaskier,” he said. “And you are?”</p><p>“Eskel.”</p><p>“Hello, Eskel. You look like a man who needs a drink.”</p><p>By the end of the night, it was apparent that he wouldn’t be falling into bed with Eskel. It was equally apparent that they were going to be fast friends.</p><p>By the end of the month, Jaskier knew he was deeply, irrevocably in love with this big witcher with his kind smile and his gentle hands, with his quick wit and his slow, deep voice.</p><p>And he also knew he was fucked.</p><p>***</p><p>Eskel and Jaskier are greeted as heroes when they return to the village with Anya. There’s equal parts mourning and celebration as what seems like most of the town gathers in the tavern to reminisce about the young women they lost and toast the defeat of the evil that plagued them for years. Eskel would normally be tense as a large gathering of drunk, emotional humans, but with a talking, laughing Jaskier next to him, he lets himself relax and enjoy the food and drink.</p><p>It’s late when they retire to their room at the inn. There’s only one bed, but Eskel prefers it that way. He tells himself that he likes having Jaskier close so he can defend him if need be. In truth, he always sleeps better when he’s holding his bard.</p><p>No, not <em>his</em> bard, he thinks with a shake of his head. Jaskier is his friend, nothing more. This is just a temporary arrangement until Jaskier and Geralt reconcile.</p><p>“Well, that was a successful contract.” Jaskier says, shimmying out of his trousers. His back is turned to Eskel, a display of trust that most wouldn’t show to a witcher. Eskel lets his eyes linger for a moment too long on the curve of his ass and the length of his legs before he turns away to shuck off his armor, feeling like a lecher.</p><p>“Would have been more successful if we’d been able to save the girls,” Eskel says.</p><p>“You saved one. There are dreadfully few wins in this life, dearest. Let’s take this one.”</p><p>Eskel’s stomach flips at the easy endearment. “Feels like it was too easy.”</p><p>Jaskier huffs a laugh. “Gods, you sound so much like Geralt sometimes.”</p><p>“Hm.” Eskel imitates Geralt’s hum, smiling when Jaskier chuckles in response.</p><p>When they crawl into bed, Eskel is only in his trousers, while Jaskier is stripped to his smallclothes and chemise. Eskel should be used to the sight by now; he’s seen the bard in all manner of undress. Still, he holds very still as Jaskier curls up against him with a contented sigh. This is Eskel’s favorite moment of every day, when he can feel Jaskier melt against him, warm and comfortable and happy. It could only be better if he could press kisses against Jaskier’s soft skin and let his hands wander.</p><p>Fuck. He forces his thoughts elsewhere.</p><p>“Sleep well, dear heart,” Jaskier murmurs, settling his head on Eskel’s chest.</p><p>And Eskel knows he will. He always does when he has Jaskier in his arms.</p><p>He sleeps so soundly that he doesn’t notice the intruder in their room until it's too late.</p><p>***</p><p>Eskel knew within days of meeting Jaskier that the bard was going to break his heart someday.</p><p>Geralt had told stories of his friend often, fondly exasperated as he talked about all the trouble the bard got into, stumbling across battles when he was supposed to be back at camp and ending up in the beds of married people with jealous spouses. The Jaskier of Geralt’s stories was loud and boisterous, careless and cocky, fiercely loyal and occasionally foolish. Eskel could never tell whether or not Geralt and Jaskier were sleeping together, or if Geralt wanted them to be, and he never asked. </p><p>The Jaskier sitting in front of Eskel was everything Geralt said and more. His blue eyes shone with mirth, his smile was lopsided, and he treated Eskel with an easy warmth, as if they’d known each other for years. His gaze never lingered on Eskel’s scars. He didn’t even flinch when Eskel forgot himself and smiled without turning his face away. He was an outrageous flirt, but Eskel knew not to take it seriously. Flirting seemed to be a reflex for Jaskier.</p><p>That didn’t stop Eskel for wishing it were real.</p><p>When Jaskier asked to travel with Eskel to his next destination, Eskel agreed without hesitation, and not just because the bard was easy on the eyes. He liked him.</p><p>It was on their third night of knowing each other that Jaskier told him about what had happened in Rinde, about the fight with Geralt and the djinn. Eskel could hear the pain in the bard’s voice and all his questions about Jaskier’s relationship with Geralt were answered. Jaskier was clearly in love with Geralt and Eskel couldn’t imagine those feelings being unrequited. After all, who wouldn’t love this man?</p><p>Eskel knew that it was only a matter of time before he fell in love with Jaskier himself. He also knew that it would end with nothing but pain.</p><p>That didn’t stop him.</p><p>***</p><p>Jaskier isn't sure what wakes him up at first. One moment, he’s asleep with his head pillowed on Eskel’s glorious chest, strong arms holding him close. If there’s a more comfortable place to be on the entire Continent, Jaskier hasn’t found it. The next thing he knows, he’s wide awake. He lifts his head and looks around, giving his human eyes a moment to adjust. When he sees the outline of the figure standing in the door, he gasps.</p><p>“Eskel,” he whispers.</p><p>There must be something in his voice, because the witcher is on his feet in an instant, sword in hand. Jaskier scrambles to light the candle on the bedside table. Not helpful for Eskel, maybe, but Jaskier wants to be able to see what’s going on.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Eskel’s voice isn’t actively hostile, but guarded.</p><p>“I’m here for you, witcher.” The answering voice is young, female, and angry.</p><p>Jaskier turns to see Anya standing there, glaring at Eskel with pure hatred. The tearful, terrified young girl from earlier is gone. The woman standing before them seems to crackle with power and fury. Jaskier can hear the low hum of Eskel’s medallion vibrating in warning.</p><p>“What do you want?” Jaskier moves closer to Eskel. The witcher reaches out to plant a hand on Jaskier’s chest, holding him in place.</p><p>“I want Mikhail back,” she says. “But since I can’t have that, I’ll take this filthy mutant’s life.”</p><p>And oh no, like <em>hell</em> is that going to stand.</p><p>“Are you serious?” Jaskier demands. “We saved you from that evil bastard. You’re welcome, by the way.”</p><p>Anya’s lip curls. “Saved me? You killed the man I loved. You destroyed <em>years</em> of work. We were so close and you ruined everything!”</p><p>“More than thirty girls are dead,” Eskel says coldly. </p><p>Anya scoffs. “They were nothing. Silly creatures who would have done nothing but marry silly men and have babies, never leaving their muddy little villages.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, and you’re far superior because the man you fell in love with was a mage and a murderer.” Jaskier can’t keep the disdain out of his voice. “Charming.”</p><p>Anya whirls on him. “You don’t understand.”</p><p>Jaskier laughs without mirth. “I understand perfectly. You think you’re special because he chose you, right? He didn’t kill you like the others. He decided to make you his apprentice. That doesn’t make you special. It makes you another kind of victim.”</p><p>“And what about you?” Anya’s face twists into a snarl. “Do you think you’re special because this mutant lets you follow him around and bray like a donkey as you sing his praises? You’re pathetic.”</p><p>“A donkey?” Jaskier squawks. “Listen here, you—”</p><p>“Leave now,” Eskel tells Anya, expression carefully controlled. “I don’t want to kill you, but I will if I have to.”</p><p>Oh, sweet Eskel. They watched Anya’s parents tearfully reunite with their daughter earlier. Jaskier is sure the witcher is trying to spare them more pain.</p><p>“I’m not the one who’s going to die tonight.” Anya raises her hands and chaos crackles in the air. “Mikhail taught me everything he knows.”</p><p>Eskel raises his sword, just as pain explodes behind Jaskier’s eyes. He cries out and seizes his forehead, going to his knees as a slimy feeling crawls through his brain. He’s never experienced this himself, but Geralt described it to him once— the feeling of a mage invading one’s thoughts. He can hear Eskel shouting, but it sounds very far away.</p><p><em>“Oh, look at this,”</em> Anya’s voice whispers in his head, as clear as if she were speaking aloud. <em>“How sad. You’re in love with something that can never love you back. His mutant heart isn’t capable of such things.”</em></p><p>“You’re wrong,” Jaskier manages to say through the pain, because he’s never known anyone as capable of love as Eskel. And Eskel <em>does</em> love him, Jaskier knows. Just not in the way Jaskier wants to be loved.</p><p>
  <em>“You’re an ass and a fool, bardling. You think he cares for you? You think you’re his friend? See how quickly that changes when you can no longer sing his praises. See how quickly he stops wanting you around when you’re no use to him.”</em>
</p><p>Through his pain and terror, Jaskier glares at her, mouth opening to retort. And then he’s choking as smoke pours out of his mouth, stealing his breath.</p><p>***</p><p>Smoke billows out of Jaskier’s mouth, completely obscuring his features. He gasps and wheezes, the smell of his terror heavy in the air as his shoulders heave with his attempts to breathe. Eskel tries to cast Quen around him, but it does nothing. Whatever dark magic Anya performed is already in effect.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Eskel roars, torn between terror and fury. He wants to strike Anya down where she stands. He wants to run to Jaskier and do whatever he can to comfort the panicked bard.</p><p>Anya bares her teeth in a vicious smile. “He’ll do nothing but bray like the ass he is until his true love kisses him. He has a hundred days and a hundred nights to kiss someone who loves him as much as he loves them, or it becomes permanent.”</p><p>She’s so focused on the bard that she doesn’t see Eskel move. He strikes her head from her shoulders before she even realizes what’s happening. Eskel expects whatever is happening to Jaskier to stop as soon as she dies, but when he turns, Jaskier is twitching on the ground, smoke still curling from his mouth.</p><p>“Jask!” Eskel falls to his knees next to Jaskier, hands hovering over the bard.</p><p>Jaskier looks up at him, tears streaming from those too-blue eyes and smoke still curling from his lips. He coughs, then opens his mouth to speak.</p><p>“<em>HEEEEE-hawwwwww!</em>”</p><p>Jaskier slaps his hands over his mouth. It would be funny, if not for the horror in the bard’s eyes and the headless body on the floor behind Eskel.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay.” Eskel reaches out to cup Jaskier’s face in his hands. The smoke has died to a trickle. “We’re going to fix this.”</p><p>“<em>HEEEEEE!</em>”</p><p>Eskel takes a deep, steadying breath, trying to calm his too-fast heartbeat. “We need to find Geralt.”</p><p>***</p><p><em>Not Geralt,</em> Jaskier writes in his notebook, underlining it three times.</p><p>The misty light of dawn is just starting to illuminate their camp. The townsfolk’s welcome became significantly colder after the innkeep burst into their room to find Anya dead on the floor. They just barely managed to flee town ahead of an angry mob. Jaskier can only hope that this doesn’t turn into another Blaviken situation.</p><p>“Jask, I know you don’t think he feels the same way,” Eskel says in a tone of utter patience that makes Jaskier want to scream. “But I know my brother. There’s no way he would let you travel for him as long as he did if he didn’t care for you.”</p><p>Jaskier does scream at that, though it comes out a hideous braying noise. Because he <em>knows</em> that Geralt cares for him. Geralt’s brand of affection has always been a difficult one to parse, hidden as it is in layers of sarcasm and carefully cultivated disinterest, but it’s there. But Geralt loves Jaskier as a friend. And even on the off chance that Geralt was in love with him, Jaskier now sees that the not-so-secret passion he harbored for sixteen years was nothing more than a childish infatuation. In light of his feelings for Eskel, they seem like nothing.</p><p>Geralt will always be one of Jaskier’s dearest friends, even if he did hurt him terribly at their last meeting. But he’s not his true love.</p><p>Jaskier doesn’t have a true love, because the man he adores doesn’t love him back.</p><p>The despair at that realization makes him want to curl up on the ground and weep, but he takes a deep breath and writes, <em>Geralt can’t be my true love. Trust me.</em></p><p>“Then who is?” Eskel looks wrecked. There’s a spray of Anya’s blood on his cheek.</p><p>Jaskier shakes his head and mouths, “No one.”</p><p>“That can’t be true.” Eskel’s voice cracks. “Jaskier, there has to be someone out there who can help. Just tell me who they are. I don’t care where they are, Skellige, Zerrikania, Nilfgaard, across the fucking ocean. I’ll find them. I’ll bring them to you.”</p><p>Jaskier has never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in his life.</p><p>“Geralt can help,” Eskel says quietly. “Trust me. We just need to find him.”</p><p>Jaskier can feel his heart breaking in his chest as the desperation in Eskel’s eyes. The witcher is surely blaming himself for the loss of Jaskier’s voice, trying to think of anything he can do to help. And there’s nothing he can do, but Jaskier knows it will destroy Eskel if they don’t at least try. Better to find Geralt and prove that there’s nothing that could have been done than to have Eskel always wonder what if.</p><p>And there’s a chance that Yennefer will be with Geralt. If that’s the case, maybe she can do something to help. Jaskier isn’t thrilled by the thought of seeing the sorceress again, but she’s better than a lifetime without his voice.</p><p>Decision made, Jaskier scribbles in his notebook, <em>Where do we start? </em></p><p>***</p><p>Finding Geralt turns out to be more of an ordeal than Eskel expected. Geralt tends to stick to the same approximate route every year, making his way through the Northern Kingdoms methodically. At this time of year, Eskel expects to find him in Redania.</p><p>Instead, they come across dead end after dead end. No one, it seems, has had the famous White Wolf answer a contract this year.</p><p>On the twenty-fourth day of Jaskier’s curse, they arrive in Rinde. Even though it’s been over a year since Jaskier parted ways with Geralt here, they’re hoping that someone will have some clue as to Geralt or Yennefer’s whereabouts.</p><p>On the twenty-fifth day, they’re chased out of Rinde by an angry mob after the mayor tries to arrest Jaskier for his part in the destruction of the mayor’s house, then decides to have him tarred and feathered when he misinterprets Jaskier braying as mockery. They escape by the skin of their teeth, Jaskier braying angrily at the approaching mob the entire way.</p><p>“Amazing how you manage to stir shit up, even when you can’t talk,” Eskel says to the bard, who puffs his chest out with pride.</p><p>On the thirty-second day, Eskel purchases Jaskier a feisty little gelding named Pegasus who immediately sets about terrorizing poor Scorpion.</p><p><em>Don’t have the coin,</em> Jaskier writes, eyeing Pegasus dubiously. With Eskel taking fewer contracts and Jaskier unable to sing for their supper, they’re running low on funds.</p><p>“We’ll travel faster if you’re not on foot,” Eskel tells him. “Anyway, he was cheap because he’s a menace. Thought you two might get along.”</p><p>Jaskier makes a rude hand gesture in response, but he’s smiling. For the first time in weeks, Eskel laughs.</p><p>***</p><p>They decide to head south on the off chance that Geralt has decided to switch up his route this year. For weeks, they travel through Kerack, Verden, and Brugge. Jaskier can tell that Eskel is getting frustrated and he can feel his own hope waning. They’re past the halfway point of the curse with no new leads.</p><p>On the fifty-ninth night of the curse, they’re camping in Brugge. Eskel is lying on his bedroll, eyes closed, while Jaskier strums quietly on his lute. It’s a slow, soothing tune, one that he often closes his sets with when he’s playing at taverns.</p><p>Without thinking, he begins to sing.</p><p>“<em>HEEEEEEE-hawwww!</em>”</p><p>Eskel sits straight up.</p><p>Jaskier stares at Eskel. Eskel stares at Jaskier. Then Jaskier begins to laugh. A moment later, Eskel joins in. Jaskier resumes strumming on his lute, braying along in tune. It’s loud and obnoxious, but it has Eskel in tears of laughter. Jaskier finds himself grinning stupidly at the man he loves, reveling in the wide smile on Eskel’s face and the way his shoulders shake with mirth.</p><p>Tomorrow, he’ll go back to being terrified for his future. Tonight, they have laughter.</p><p>***</p><p>By the seventy-second day, there’s little mirth on their travels. They’re nearly out of coin, the horses are tired, and there’s still no sign of Geralt. Eskel is furious with himself, with Anya and Mikhail, with Geralt, with the entire fucking Continent.</p><p>And then they reach a town in Lyria where a witcher recently answered a contract for a fiend.</p><p>“The witcher was just here?” Eskel asks the elderly alderwoman, terrified that the hope he can feel bubbling up in his chest will come to naught.</p><p>She squints at him in annoyance. “Aye, isn’t that what I just said? He just left yesterday.”</p><p>“And you say he has white hair?”</p><p>The woman turns to Jaskier. “This one ain’t the brightest, is he?”</p><p>Eskel sighs. “Which way did he go?”</p><p>“North, I expect. They’re having a ghoul problem in Whitebridge, I told him.”</p><p>Eskel and Jaskier ride their horses hard and fast until they reach Whitebridge, but it isn’t Geralt that they find making camp outside of town.</p><p>“They thought I was <em>Geralt</em>?” Lambert is outraged. “Motherfuckers. I should have let that fiend devour the whole town.”</p><p>Eskel wants to collapse on the ground and cry. “They thought your hair was white.”</p><p>“Nah, that was just the residue from the bombs.” Lambert glances curiously at Jaskier. “Isn’t that Geralt’s bard?”</p><p>“<em>HEEEEE-hawwww</em>,” Jaskier says cheerfully.</p><p>“Huh.” Lambert nods slowly. “I expect there’s a story there.”</p><p>“He’s cursed,” Eskel tells him. We're looking for Geralt. He’s the only way to fix it.”</p><p>“Oh, Geralt’s probably with his sorceress.”</p><p>“You’ve seen him?” Eskel demands as Jaskier brays in surprise.</p><p>Lambert arches an eyebrow. “He brought her to Kaer Morhen this winter.”</p><p>“They were both there?” Eskel demands.</p><p>“Sure were. Unlike you.”</p><p>“Got caught up in a contract in Redania.” And then Eskel ended up spending most of the winter in Oxenfurt with Jaskier.</p><p>Lambert directs a knowing look at Jaskier, but displays an unprecedented ability to hold his tongue. “Yeah, Geralt and Yennefer are shacked up together somewhere in Aedirn. Or at least, that was their plan when they left the keep.”</p><p>“Where?” They’re just south of Aedirn, maybe a two day ride to the border.</p><p>“How should I know?”</p><p>“Didn’t he tell you?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t remember. Gulet, maybe? Nah, not Gulet. Who the fuck would want to live in Gulet?”</p><p>Eskel loves his younger brother. He really does. He also wants to strangle him.</p><p>They camp with Lambert that night. As usual, Jaskier curls up against Eskel, unselfconscious about the presence of the other witcher. Lambert observes them from his own bedroll, smirking.</p><p>“And why are you looking for Geralt again?” he asks.</p><p>Eskel keeps his voice low, not wanting to disturb Jaskier. “He’s Jaskier’s true love. Needs to kiss him to break the curse.”</p><p>Lambert roars with laughter. Jaskier stirs in his sleep.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Eskel hisses.</p><p>Lambert wipes tears from his eyes. “Eskel, don’t take this the wrong way. But you’re an idiot.”</p><p>Eskel bids him a frosty goodnight and rolls over.</p><p>***</p><p>Eskel and Jaskier cross the border into Aedirn on the seventy-fifth day of Jaskier’s curse, both burning bright with the first sparks of hope they’ve felt in weeks.</p><p>By the eighty-fifth day, morale has lowered. They’ve stopped in every town they’ve passed, from the muddiest little hamlet to the bustling cities, and Yennefer and Geralt haven’t been in a single one. With each passing day, Eskel’s mood darkens. He’s tense and snappish in a way that Jaskier has never seen from him. It reminds Jaskier of Geralt in the days right after Cintra.</p><p>That night, Jaskier is dozing off on Eskel's chest when he hears the witcher say, "I miss your singing, Jask."</p><p>Jaskier props his chin on Eskel's shoulder and looks up into those sad golden eyes. His notebook is in his saddlebag on the other side of the camp, but he hopes that Eskel can see the affection in his expression. Eskel's lips quirk in a small smile and Jaskier settles back down with a sigh.</p><p>And then Eskel begins to sing. His voice is low, raspy, and just a bit off tune. It's an old hillfolk song about an old hen, the kind of song village women sing together while doing the wash. Something about it brings a lump to Jaskier's throat and he finds himself blinking rapidly, glad for the darkness of the camp. He falls asleep to the sound of Eskel's voice and the gentle vibrations of his chest.</p><p>***</p><p>On the ninety-third day, Eskel takes Jaskier to a healer in Gulet. It’s the sixth healer they’ve visited in the last ninety-three days, but maybe this one will be different. Maybe this one can help.</p><p>“This is dark magic,” the woman says with a shake of her head. “Beyond me, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Eskel’s shoulders slump.</p><p>“You should go see Mistress Yenenfer in Vengerberg.”</p><p>Eskel’s head snaps up and Jaskier lets out a soft bray. “Yennefer?”</p><p>The woman nods. “She’s a talented sorceress, Aretuza-trained. People travel from all over Aedirn to see her.”</p><p>“And you say she’s in Vengerberg?”</p><p>“Yes, it’s west of here. Maybe a five day ride.” She pats Jaskier’s hand, flashing him a sympathetic smile. “I hope she can help, truly.”</p><p>Eskel gives her every last coin they have in gratitude.</p><p>***</p><p>They arrive in Vengerberg on the ninety-eighth day.</p><p>The cottage the locals direct them to isn’t what Jaskier would expect from Yennefer. It’s nothing like the opulent manor where she resided in Rinde. It’s quaint with a tidy herb garden in the front and loaves of bread cooling in the windowsills. Jaskier takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.</p><p>A moment later, the door opens and Geralt stands there.</p><p>He looks good, Jaskier thinks fondly. The old yearning is gone, but Jaskier can still appreciate the sight of a Geralt who has clearly spent the last year in relative leisure. His white hair looks well-cared for, trimmed and neatly brushed, and he has a short beard. He’s put on a bit of weight, which suits him nicely. He’s lost that brittle edge of desperation that he’s carried since the mess in Cintra.</p><p>When he sees Eskel and Jaskier, he smiles. Not a smirk. Not a rueful curl of his lips. An actual smile. Without hesitation, he pulls Eskel into an embrace. The two witchers hug for a long moment and Jaskier can see them trying to be subtle about examining each other for injuries. It’s unbearably adorable.</p><p>“Good to see you, Wolf,” Eskel says softly.</p><p>“You as well.” To Jaskier’s surprise, Geralt turns and hugs him. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve hugged, but normally Jaskier is the one who initiates. Jaskier leans into the embrace, surrounded by the familiar scents of chamomile and horse. Affection swells inside of him. He didn’t realize just how much he missed his friend until now.</p><p>“Jask.” Geralt sounds relieved. “We tried to find you in Oxenfurt this summer. Was worried when they said they hadn’t seen you since last winter.”</p><p>Jaskier doesn’t even try to speak. He doesn’t want to ruin this moment with the reality of his situation.</p><p>“Fuck, bard, what happened to you?”</p><p>Jaskier quickly steps back from Geralt as Yennefer of Vengerberg appears in the doorway. She looks… well, exactly how she looked last time Jaskier saw her: beautiful, terrifying, exuding pure power.</p><p>“What do you mean, Yenn?” Geralt looks between Jaskier and Yennefer, frowning.</p><p>Jaskier scoots closer to Eskel and Yennefer circles him. “When did this happen?” she asks Eskel.</p><p>“Ninety-eight days ago,” Eskel says.</p><p>“And the mage who cast it?”</p><p>“Dead.”</p><p>“Good. It’s a nasty bit of work. What does the curse do?” She turns to Jaskier.</p><p>Jaskier looks between her, Geralt, and Eskel, then opens his mouth.</p><p>“<em>HEEEEEE-hawwwwww.</em>”</p><p>Geralt’s eyes go wide. “Fuck.”</p><p>"That’s the only sound he’s been able to make for ninety-eight days,” Eskel says. “He needs to kiss his true love in the next two days, or it’s permanent.”</p><p>“I think you two should come inside,” Yennefer says.</p><p>The interior of the house is even more surprising than the exterior. It’s downright cozy. There’s a fire crackling merrily in the hearth with a pot of stew simmering over it. Geralt’s weapons and armor are piled neatly by the door. There are an assortment of the herbs that Jaskier recognizes as ingredients in Geralt’s potions sitting on a table. Geralt and Yennefer have built a life together here, he realizes. A year ago, that knowledge would have been devastating. Right now, he’s just pleased for his friend. </p><p>Yennefer examines Jaskier while Eskel tells the story about what happened in Velen and their subsequent search for Geralt across the Continent. It’s a bit disconcerting to be the focus of the sorceress’s attention, but her touch is businesslike. Like Geralt, she too seems softer than she did a year ago. She’s lost the desperate fury of the woman who tried to capture a djinn. Jaskier has no doubt that she could still kill him without thinking, but he’s also fairly certain that she won’t, and not just because Geralt and Eskel are in the room.</p><p>When Eskel is done speaking, Geralt says, “Why were you looking for me, Esk? Shouldn’t you be looking for Jaskier’s true love?”</p><p>There’s a long, awkward pause.</p><p>“What about that Countess?” Geralt turns to Jaskier. “The one from Cintra?”</p><p>Jaskier shakes his head.</p><p>“The troubadour from Cidaris? What was his name? Valentine?”</p><p>Jaskier brays in outrage.</p><p>“Well, whoever his true love is, we need to find him fast,” Yennefer says. “Because there’s no other way to rid him of this curse.”</p><p>“There’s nothing you can do?” Eskel’s face falls.</p><p>She shakes her head. “I’m afraid I would render him permanently and completely mute if I tried. So out with it, bard. Who’s your true love? I’ll portal you to them myself.”</p><p>Eskel lets out a frustrated breath. “You really don’t know, Geralt?”</p><p>“Know what?”</p><p>Fuck, Jaskier may expire from humilation on the spot.</p><p>“Jaskier’s been in love with you since he was eighteen.” Eskel keeps an eye on Yennefer, as if unsure how she’ll react.  “And I know you must feel the same way, Geralt. You let him travel with you for sixteen years. And how could you not love him? He’s Jaskier.”</p><p>Jaskier can’t look at any of them, his gaze fixed on the ground. Why did he think this was a good idea.</p><p>“Jaskier,” Geralt says softly and Jaskier looks up into those golden eyes. Geralt’s expression is gentle and unbearably sad. “You’re my best friend. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what happened in Rinde. I treated you poorly and I nearly got you killed. It was unforgivable.”</p><p>Eskel hands Jaskier his notebook without Jaskier even needing to ask. Jaskier writes, <em>I forgive you and I’m sorry as well. I acted like a complete ass. I would have sicced a djinn on me too.</em></p><p>“I love you, Jaskier,” Geralt says, and Jaskier knows that his friend never would have been able to say those words a year ago. Something he’s sure he owes Yennefer for. “But it’s the same kind of love I feel for Eskel and Lambert. You’re my friend. You’re like a brother. I don’t… I can’t…”</p><p><em>I know</em>, Jaskier writes. <em>It’s okay. I always knew it wasn’t you.</em></p><p>“No.” Eskel sounds horrified. “Jask, <em>no.</em> It has to be Geralt. We came all this way—”</p><p>Jaskier’s heart breaks at the expression on his face. He wants to offer comfort, but he doesn’t know how.</p><p>“Just try,” Eskel says hoarsely. “Please, Geralt. Maybe loving him like a brother is enough. It has to be. Please.”</p><p>Geralt looks at Eskel, then at Yennefer, then at Jaskier. Jaskier nods.</p><p>When Geralt leans forward to kiss Jaskier, his lips are warm and gentle. It’s a perfectly pleasant kiss.</p><p>It’s also entirely devoid of passion.</p><p>When Geralt pulls away, Jaskier already knows it didn’t work. He still tries to speak, grimacing at the resultant, “<em>HEEEEEE-hawwww</em>.”</p><p>“Try again,” Eskel says, voice strangely hollow. It’s worse than the fear and desperation. “Please, Geralt.”</p><p>“True love’s kiss doesn’t work like that,” Yennefer says. “If it didn’t work once, it won’t work the second time.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Geralt’s mouth is a grim line. “Jaskier, you know if I could help, I would.”</p><p>Jaskier reaches out to squeeze his hand.</p><p>“Then who is it?” Eskel demands. “Jaskier, please, give me a name.”</p><p><em>No one,</em> Jaskier writes.</p><p>“That’s not possible!”</p><p><em>No one has ever loved me like that.</em> It feels shameful to write out, but Jaskier sees no point in lying. <em>I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you travel all this way, but I knew you couldn’t give up hope. And I thought Yennefer might be able to help.</em></p><p>Eskel looks at him for a long moment, expression anguished and terribly lost, before he turns and slams out of the house.</p><p>***</p><p>Geralt finds Eskel tending to the horses, arriving just as Pegasus nearly takes Eskel’s fingers off.</p><p>“Beautiful horse,” Geralt says mildly.</p><p>“Got him for Jaskier in Redania. He’s mean as a snake.”</p><p>“Hm.” Geralt hovers in the doorway of the stables, looking uncertain. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Eskel sighs. “Not your fault, Wolf. It was me who insisted we find you, even though Jaskier told me it would do no good. I just thought—”</p><p>“That there was no way someone could travel with Jaskier without falling in love with him.”</p><p>Eskel nods.</p><p>Geralt comes to stand next to him. “Didn’t believe in all this true love bullshit until I met Yenn. Still don’t know if I do.”</p><p>“Because destiny’s horseshit?”</p><p>Geralt nods. “I don’t know if it’s destiny, but I know that I’d travel the Continent a thousand times over for Yennefer. I’d do anything for her.”</p><p>Scorpion nudges at Eskel’s cheek and Eskel pats the stallion on the nose.</p><p>“My kiss was never going to help Jaskier,” Geralt says quietly. “But I think you know whose will.”</p><p>Of course there was no chance of Eskel hiding his feelings from the person who knows him best. “He doesn’t feel the same way about me. How could he?”</p><p>“Eskel—”</p><p>“Jaskier is…” Eskel trails off. “He deserves better than me.”</p><p>“Bullshit.” At Eskel’s startled look, Geralt shrugs. “Never met a better man than you, Esk. Doubt Jaskier has either. And I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. You’re his true love and you know it.”</p><p>Eskel has to turn away, not wanting Geralt to see the wounded expression on his face. “He might be mine, Geralt. But I don’t think I’m his.”</p><p>***</p><p>The mood in the cottage is grim for the rest of the night. Eskel and Jaskier sleep in the guest room. For the first time in months, Eskel sleeps with his back to Jaskier rather than falling asleep holding him. Jaskier hardly gets a wink of sleep, feeling heartsick and terribly alone. He expected Eskel to be annoyed with him for wasting three months of their time, but he wasn’t expecting the witcher to not even be able to look at him.</p><p>On the ninety-ninth day of the curse, Jaskier sits in the back garden and plays his lute, enjoying the sunshine. Winter is approaching and there’s a nip in the air. Soon, Eskel and Geralt will be getting ready to return to Kaer Morhen for the winter. Jaskier wonders what he’ll do. He won’t be able to go to Oxenfurt to teach or find an appointment in a court.</p><p>He doesn’t realize that Yennefer has joined him until he hears her say, “Sulking doesn’t become you, bard.”</p><p>Jaskier looks up at her with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>She settles down on the bench next to him. “What will you do without your voice?”</p><p>Jaskier shrugs.</p><p>“You know, I understand that you’re a bard and that you have a naturally dramatic disposition—”</p><p>“<em>Heee-hawwww</em>,” he says irritably.</p><p>“Don’t bray at me. You have less than a day to pull your head out of your ass. Please get a move on.”</p><p>“Haw!”</p><p>“He loves you too, you know.”</p><p>Jaskier just glares at her.</p><p>She snorts. “People don’t travel the entire Continent for someone they don’t love.”</p><p>Jaskier picks up his notebook and writes, <em>Not like that.</em></p><p>“Don’t be foolish.”</p><p><em>Are you really trying to give me relationship advice?</em> He underlines the <em>you</em> three times.</p><p>“I’ve been a happy, fulfilling relationship for a year and a half, which is a year and a half longer than you’ve ever managed.”</p><p>She’s not wrong, so Jaskier goes back to strumming his lute.</p><p>“The way I see it, you have two choices,” she says. “You can do nothing and then after tomorrow, you will never say another word again. Your life won’t be over, but your career will be. Or you tell Eskel how you feel. Worst case scenario, he doesn’t feel the same way. Best case, he does and your curse is broken. What do you have to lose?”</p><p>“Eskel,” he mouths at her.</p><p>Her expression gentles. “You won’t lose him.”</p><p><em>Think I already have,</em> he writes.</p><p>“Of course you haven’t. Eskel is just confused and sulking because that's what witchers do." When Jaskier doesn't reply, she adds, "No matter what happens with the curse, you can stay here as long as you need to. I know it will take you some time to get back on your feet."</p><p>He can’t keep the surprise off his face</p><p>“We got off on the wrong foot in Rinde,” she says. “But you’re important to Geralt. That means you always have a place here.”</p><p>Jaskier smiles at her, warmed by the knowledge that whatever happens next, he has a friend here. Two friends.</p><p>As for Eskel…</p><p>Jaskier pictures the anguish on his witcher’s face the day before and his heart twists. He thinks of nights curled up in Eskel’s arms, of sharing meals across the campfire, of laughter and late-night conversations and easy companionship. He thinks of all the times he’s looked across a crowded tavern to find Eskel watching him with open affection, all the times Eskel has thrown himself between Jaskier and danger without hesitation.</p><p>If that isn’t love, then what is?</p><p>Yennefer must see the realization on his face. “Oh thank fuck. Now go kiss him. I never thought I would want you to get your voice back, bard, but here we are.”</p><p>Jaskier brays in her face in retaliation.</p><p>***</p><p>Eskel is trying and failing to meditate in their room when Jaskier walks in. The bard doesn’t make a sound as he comes to sit next to Eskel. When Eskel feels the weight of Jaskier’s notebook on his lap, he opens his eyes. Jaskier taps the notebook and Eskel picks it up to read.</p><p>
  <em>I have pictured saying this to you so many times. I don’t even know where to begin, so I suppose I’ll start at the beginning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I spent sixteen years thinking that I was in love with Geralt. It was a youthful infatuation, but I didn’t know any better, because I had never truly loved anyone before. And then I met you and you were like the sun. You came into my life and instantly made it better.</em>
</p><p>Eskel looks up at him, shaking his head. “Jask—”</p><p>Jaskier taps the notebook more insistently.</p><p>
  <em>You are the kindest, gentlest, most noble man I’ve ever met. Every day when I wake up next to you, I fall a little bit more in love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m truly sorry for misleading you about my feelings for Geralt. I didn’t know what else to do. You were so scared that I would be cursed forever and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you how I felt about you. I was afraid that you wouldn’t love me back and I would lose you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you don’t want me, I hope we can still be friends. I would be content with that, so long as you stay in my life. Because whether or not I get my voice back, you will always be my true love, even if I’m not yours.</em>
</p><p>Eskel swallows back the knot of emotion in his throat. “Jaskier, I don’t—”</p><p>Jaskier’s face falls.</p><p>“No!” Eskel reaches out and grabs his hand. “I just don’t know what to say. I… I knew I was going to love you as soon as I met you. I don’t know how you didn’t have people lining up to be your true love. I insisted on tracking Geralt all over the Continent because I couldn’t imagine someone knowing you for sixteen years and not being head over heels for you, because it didn’t even take me three days. I love you, Jask. I've always loved you and I'm always going to.”</p><p>Jaskier cups Eskel’s face in his hands. His fingers are trembling and there’s a question in his gaze.</p><p>Eskel does what he should have done ninety-nine days ago. He pulls Jaskier into his arms and kisses him. The kiss is filled with desperation and months of longing, all tongue and teeth and need. Eskel holds his bard close, enveloped in the taste and smell of Jaskier. He never thought he would get this, the soft gasps into his mouth and the hands roving shamelessly over his body and the trusting way Jaskier leans against him. And now that he has it, Eskel knows he will never let it go.</p><p>And then Jaskier begins to gasp for breath and the smell of smoke fills the room.</p><p>“Jaskier!” Eskel shouts as smoke billows from the bard’s mouth. Jaskier’s hands scrabble desperately at Eskel like a drowning man clawing for dry land.</p><p>Footsteps pound on the stairs and Geralt and Yennefer come bursting into the room. Geralt drops to his knees next to Jaskier and Eskel, hands hovering anxiously over the bard.</p><p>“Yenn, what’s happening to him?” he demands.</p><p>“It’s the curse.” Yennefer puts a hand on Jaskier’s back. “It’s okay, it’s just breaking. Give him a minute.”</p><p>Jaskier lets out a long bray, spewing a cloud of smoke, then collapses into Eskel’s arms.</p><p>“Is he—” Geralt’s eyes are wide with barely suppressed panic.</p><p>“Fuck,” Jaskier says, voice hoarse. A wisp of smoke emits from his lips. “Can we go back to Velen, resurrect Anya, and kill her again? That smoke tasted <em>foul.</em>”</p><p>Eskel laughs. “It worked. Thank fuck, it worked.”</p><p>“Did it?” Yennefer’s lips twitch. “I hear no difference.”</p><p>Jaskier splutters with indignation. “I know we’re friends now, Yennefer—”</p><p>“Are we?”</p><p>“We had better be, because I regret to inform you that Geralt and I are a package deal.”</p><p>Yennefer turns to her lover. “It was fun while it lasted, Geralt.”</p><p>Geralt smiles. “It’s good to hear your voice again, Jask.”</p><p>“It certainly is.” Jaskier sings a warm-up scale. “Gods, I have three months’ worth of songs saved up. You have no idea what it’s been like. The written word is fine and good, but I just have too many thoughts in my head. My hand was constantly tired.”</p><p>Yennefer gives Geralt a tired look. “Can I curse him mute again?”</p><p>“Hm, not worth it.”</p><p>Jaskier makes a face at them, leaning against Eskel. “I’m afraid it won’t work. I have my true love, you see.” He looks up at Eskel with those big blue eyes. “Don’t I, my love?”</p><p>“Always,” Eskel says and kisses him again.</p><p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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